"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
