True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
