I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
