And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize