I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
