I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
