update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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