Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
