im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
