I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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