Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
