the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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