We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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