how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
