I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
