Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
