I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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