i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
