I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize