Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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