His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
