I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
