I skipped work to stalk him.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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