they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
