Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
