I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just google imaged poop.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
