The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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