1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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