would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't turn off my feet"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
