I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
