So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
