Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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