That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
