I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
