wrigley field is MILF paradise
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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