I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize