Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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