There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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