Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
