I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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