You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
