I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was born a porn star she said
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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