Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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