they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
