I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
