dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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