**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
