I'm drive I can fine osifer
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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