I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
