woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
