He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
