Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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