I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
