It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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