I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
