I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize