he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize