I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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