Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
