i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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