A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
