She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
