We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
