my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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