Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
