i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
