I accidentally burped into my bong.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
